Why Taking Care of Yourself Feels So Hard (and How to Break the Shame Loop)
Ever had that moment where you realize you forgot to eat lunch, drink water, or respond to that one text—again? And instead of moving on, you spiral:
“Why can’t I just take care of myself like everyone else?”
That, my friend, is the ADHD shame loop. And it’s more common than you think.
In this episode of the Millennial Body Image Project, we unpack the pattern of internal guilt, perfectionism, and burnout that traps so many people—especially those with ADHD or executive overload.
Here’s how the shame loop works—and how to start stepping out of it:
1. You Miss a Task (Like Skipping Lunch or Movement)
It starts with something small. You forget to eat, don’t follow through on your plan, or miss a habit you meant to do. That’s normal. Life happens.
2. Shame Kicks In
Instead of noticing it neutrally, your brain piles on:
“Why am I like this?”
“Everyone else can do this.”
“I’m so lazy.”
Cue: shutdown.
3. You Try to Overcorrect
To get back on track, you swing hard the other way. A brand new morning routine! A hyper-organized planner! A meal prep overhaul! Cue: dopamine rush.
4. It’s Not Sustainable
Something breaks the system—a sick day, a schedule change, life. And because the plan was built on perfection, not flexibility, you feel like a failure again.
5. The Shame Comes Back Stronger
Now you’re not just disappointed. You’re back to square one and ashamed that you “couldn’t even stick to the plan.” And the cycle repeats.
So what do we do instead?
Start small—microscopically small. A 5-minute walk, a handful of trail mix, brushing your teeth. It counts.
Anchor to your intention. Why do you want to do the thing? Energy? Mental clarity? Let that guide you—not external rules.
Celebrate maintenance. You don’t have to do it perfectly to make progress.
Build flexibility into your systems. Structure isn’t bad. Perfectionism is.
And most of all:
You are not the problem. Your capacity matters. And you deserve care that meets you where you are.
🎧 Listen to the full episode: “You’re not lazy. The ADHD shame loop is keeping you stuck” now on the Millennial Body Image Project.
